The spaces between

One moment no blog. Another moment blog exists. With this creation, a small lonely blog is born. Blog wonders as it finds it's footing in the blog world, " Who am I? What does this mean? Where do I stand among these other blogs?"

In some sense, I feel just like my blog does right now. I'm in transition, between two countries, two states of being. Questions of my identity are constantly on my mind. I've been trying to understand the person I thought I was, and learning about the person I have become. 

Why am I in transition you may ask? ( or maybe no one asks - other than my husband who may read this blog) 

Last year a significant event occurred that changed my life. One that changes the lives of people all over the world. So it's really quite routine, yet it's extremely special to the ones who go through it.

I became a mother. 

During this year, I've been having questions about my occupation. Is this my passion? Can I pursue it forever? Are there other things I want to do with my oh so limited time?  Will I be able to do the retraining required to get to where I have gotten again, in another country? I couldn't answer these questions, I felt anxiety and sadness at leaving my son at home to work. My work, though it has a noble purpose and serves many, can be stressful while being mundane at times. I was suffering from chronic pain ( and still am). Googling around I realised I had all the signs. 

I have job burnout.

I've been having pelvic pain since my pregnancy. It peaked in the third trimester and went away after delivery. Than when I returned to work it started up again. Pain in my butt! Numbness and aching every day. 

I have chronic pain. 

(More on chronic pain another day as its a long story.)

All these things have made me question who I really am. I'm discovering some new things about myself. Some bad, some good. Learning new weaknesses, new strengths. 

But now there may be change. I can use this in between time to work towards good change. To redefine myself. A rebirth. 

There are many blogs out there. Focusing on many useful things. How can this blog contribute? Maybe the blog needs to find its voice during the coming months. The blog is in the in between spaces too.