Pregnant in Norway - The first two trimesters

Yeps here I am, 26 weeks pregnant with my first selfie of the pregnancy. I'm terrible at taking bump shots, how do you hold the phone and look in a mirror?

I've been pregnant and  gave birth in Singapore with my first kiddo in 2012. So now I have the experience of being pregnant here in Trondheim and it has been interesting. There are some big differences to the care provided and there are both negatives and positives with both my experiences. I think I am extremely lucky to be in Norway for this pregnancy because pregnant women have access to very good health care services here. Prenatal visits are free and women have a right to see either a General Practitioner (fastlege) or a midwife (jordmor) here. General advice is for you to have your first visit with a GP or midwife at 12 weeks of pregnancy. You are expected to get your own prenatal vitamins and educate yourself on prenatal care. You will then have a blood test screening for certain infectious diseases, a blood count and a blood type check. All women have one ultrasound scan in week 18-20 ( which corresponds to the fetal anomaly scan). You are then seen at weeks 24, 28, 32, 36, 38 and 40. My GP advised me to have one extra follow up at 16weeks, and I also had the glucose tolerance test done. ( It is not routine here, but I requested it).

The main thing you would notice is that for a healthy pregnancy- you may not see an obstetrician at all during the prenatal period. The midwife will be the main carer in most cases, or your GP if you prefer it. You can chose who you would prefer to see for the appointments and can see a mix of both.

The one thing I found hard to accept was the lack of prenatal screening and early ultrasound scans. Many Norwegians chose to see a private gynaecologist early on before 12 weeks. ( I did as well)

Prenatal screening is offered if you are above 37 years old, or if you have a family history that might require it. This can be hard for anyone who has experience of pregnancy elsewhere to accept, as they may be used to the different prenatal screening options available to them in other countries.

The attitude here is that pregnancy is a normal process that needs little intervention, but there is still sufficient monitoring to pick out the higher risk cases and help them. In early pregnancy, miscarriage can occur, but it is viewed as something that happens. This may reduce some of the unnecessary anxiety many women go through when they have a too early ultrasound and are unsure of their dates, and are unable to see fetal pole or heart beat. I'm learning to embrace this attitude of normality in pregnancy, and learning to relax, and let go of my anxieties.

What are prenatal appointments like? You bring along your early morning urine for a urine dipstick test at every visit. They check your pressure, a doppler scan is done for the baby's heartbeat, the symphisial-fundal height is measured, your weight and blood pressure are taken. The have a chat about how you are feeling and try to address your concerns.

 In Singapore, I saw an obstetrician at every visit, they were more frequent and we had an ultrasound scan at almost every visit. Is this good? There has been some indication that over monitoring and excessive scans in the last trimester could lead to more unnecessary interventions. I might try to remember to talk about this more after I have experienced the third trimester here.

The first visit with the midwife here we had an hour long chat, just so she can get to know us. I'm looking forward to more follow up with the midwives for the rest of this pregnancy. I saw my GP for the first half and that was great too, because I like my doctor.

I've had pelvic girdle pain issues with the first pregnancy and now the second. I'll write more about my experiences with that in another post. 

On a personal note, morning sickness sucked bad, and not having the same access to cheap, good, cooked food as I did in Singapore has been a bit hard. Having to still cook when everything made me gag was a challenge. I miss many things from back home, and cravings can be hard to satisfy. I miss green leafy vegetables, desserts like chendol, good tropical fruits, and some other comfort foods.

Is there anything you would like to know about prenatal care here or in Singapore? Drop me a message. : )
For the pregger mums out there, wear wool, walk every day and take your fish oil as the Norwegians say and good luck with your pregnancy.

Back after a long break

It's been a crazy year, and with that much happening I had to take a time out from blogging and writing and everything. Remember I was saying moving, made me feel a little lost? I went to go find myself. I'm not sure I've been found, but I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin again. A little bit more me. It's a good feeling.

 I had to let go of a lot of ideas I had about who I was, and stop identifying myself by things I had done or achieved or finished. That does not make up a person.

I'm just the someone my kiddo snuggle's up to. The one who enjoys popping into town for a coffee. The someone you can come to for a chat, because I love a good chat. The someone who is enjoying reading kiddy literature again, and enjoying very slowly, with no expectations the development of language in a 2 year old. The someone with a messy house, but who does her best, and if she doesn't it's because she has enough else to take her time. The someone who dreams about the things she could do, but is learning her own limits and becoming comfortable with that. The someone who is truly beginning to understand the concept of less is more. ( Except when it comes to chocolate)

Hopefully you ( is there anyone out there?) will be hearing a bit more from this someone.

Rita

Learning to Live in the Moment: Adjusting to My New Life in Norway.

I'm sharing another installment to my posts on pink pangea about how it feels 2 months after the move, learning to adjust to the new pace around me.

Learning to Live in the Moment: Adjusting to My New Life in Norway.

Anyone reading this, have felt the same or gone through a similar experience? I would love to hear from you.

love,
Rita

Settling into my new life in Norway.

It has now been six weeks since we moved and we have slowly put in new roots and made new friends. Our belongings have finally arrived and I have baked my first cake in this house. It starts to feel like home now.

I wrote a bit more for Pink Pangea at Settling into my new life in Norway.
I write about how wonderful the Singaporean community here has been and how they have been a second family to me and how I have been slowly getting into a routine here. 

Love, 
Rita 

How to prepare for a move with your toddler.

It's been 1 month living in Trondheim. It has been a challenging month, attempting to get settled into a house that has not been baby proofed. The hubby has been working very hard to clean and clear the place while I am tied down to the kiddo. Fortunately, the kiddo has been getting more and more independent as he adjusts to his new home as well.

I have written another post for Pink Pangea about planning for the move and some things I did to help ease my son into the transition.

How to prepare for a move with your toddler

Hope that is of some help to anyone else in the same boat. Shall be writing a bit more about my first month here soon.

love,
Rita

The emotional roller coaster of being a trailing spouse.

Read about the pre move madness at the-emotional-roller-coaster-of-being-a-trailing-spouse.
I will be writing more about my move for Pink Pangea as it happens. Pink Pangea is a community for women travelers to share experiences and ideas.

Like them on FB too if you are a woman interested in travel, for inspiration and advise.
Pink Pangea on facebook

Moving Month of March

My mind is constantly buzzing as it is now Moving March! It feels right now, like a new year about to begin for me. I realised that it is not too late for making new goals.

So here are my goals for 2014:
1. Make new friendships, build on the old ones. Throw myself into making friends like I haven't done before.
2. Learn Norwegian - immerse myself fully and give it my all.
3. write, write, write.

I think this list is enough to work on. And back to moving madness and mayhem!

Home Office

I stopped working last week, but I'm possibly busier now that I don't have official work than before. I have now moved into my "home office" and am cracking on my large to do list.

I have my laptop open, printer connected, and ipad next to me for quick facebooking. I have a bag of open chips, a cup of coffee, water, and a finished bag of Pods. ( Pods are wonderful).

I'm really working! Not just pretending to do so since I'm unemployed! Facebooking is real work.

20 things to do before your move

It's 2 months before the big intercontinental move and I really need some way of organizing the many things I should get done before I leave. Anyone else in such a position probably is feeling the buzz like I am. My mind is constantly worrying about what to do with this or that.

2 months before your move

1. Speak to and select your moving company
2. Update your passport if it has less than a year in validity. You don't want to be settling this soon after you arrive in a foreign country. It is probably easy to do but may require you traveling to a particular city, or neighbouring country to collect your passport. 
3. Decide on which big items you are bringing, and arrange to sell or give away the things you are leaving behind.
4. Organise your important receipts and warranties, as this may be helpful for filling out that insurance form for the move.
5. Fill in that dastardly insurance form.
6. If you haven't already done so - Resign/ give notice to your employer/ landlord
7. Give notice to your helper if you do employ one
8. Start making use and finishing up any packages you may have already bought and paid for - pedicures/ facials/ gym training...etc
9. Meet all your friends!

1 month before your move

10. Cancel unnecessary bank cards/ credit cards
11. Speak to your insurance agent
12. Ensure you have necessary medical coverage for travel/ the move
13. plan on forwarding your mail to another address Redirecting your mail through Singapore Post
( forward it to friends or family until you are settled in your new address)
14. Go paperless -  speak to banks/ other necessary services if they can send you paperless statements

2 weeks before your move

15. Organise the things for your move -  throw or donate what you don't need.
16. Decide on what you need to bring along on your flight
17. plan for the cancellation of gas/power/cable/internet/mobile

week of the move

18. Consider staying in a friend's place or a hotel during the moving days. Ensure you child has other activities and others to watch him during this stressful time.

On arriving

20. Once settled register your new address with Singapore - Registering your overseas address

New boss - he is young and good looking.

 Today, I hung up my stethoscope ( more accurately my son grabbed it out of my bag to play) and my run as family physician at my current work place has come to an end. I returned my work pass to the clinic and it feels real now.

 The constant working, studying and pushing has come to a slow down. For the first time since primary school I'm faced with no datelines of someone else's making. Or am I? I have a new boss now. The boss I left this job for. A real slave driver he is. Makes me work 24 hours and has sometimes unreasonable requests at 4 am. He is a real heart-throb though and I can't help looking at pictures of him when I'm away from my office. It's really tiring working for him, but since I appear to have fallen in love with him, I think I will stay on in this job for as long as he needs me. 

I'm sure you know who my boss is. Many of you have already met him. He isn't very tall, has good looks, and gorgeous curly hair. He is a real flirt to boot. I miss him already and am running back to work for him now as it is soon his nap time and he needs some serious cuddling. 

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My 

New

Boss

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Singapore Day 2014 will be in London

Singapore Day 2014 will be in London this year on the 29th of March. I know I've barely left Singapore but I am not going to miss the chance as I'll be visiting a friend in London anyway. 

Singaporean expats, have you registered? 

Singapore Day in London 2014

Looking forward to a chance to meet Singaporeans who have been in Norway as well as other expat singaporeans. Can't wait to share and learn about their lives and experiences. Not to mention to pig out on some Singaporean food before I reach Norway! 

How to baby led wean - the good, the bad and the messy

1. You have to wait till baby is developmentally ready. Sitting up on his own and able to reach for food and bring it to his mouth. Guidelines advise starting at 6 months but some babies may take longer to reach that stage.

Getting familiar with utensils at 6 months the week before solids were introduced.

2. Equip yourself with knowledge by attending an infant first aid course. Send your family members for one too. Myself, my sister and my husband had all attended this. Go for this even if weaning the traditional way as you can never tell when an emergency might occur.

3. Start slow, be patient and babies don't eat much. 

Shredded apple was great as one of the first few foods. Grabbed and shoveled into the mouth. Of one grated apple maybe two spoonfuls made it into his mouth. 

4. Be prepared for mess. Give your baby the freedom to explore taste, textures and motor skills. Buy a good baby safe all purpose cleaner and be prepared.

Messy but easily and quickly cleaned while baby is being bathed by his papa.

5. Always keep in mind the textures of foods you are presenting to your baby. I steam my fruits and vegetables and ensure its possible to grip but mashable by gums. Crinkle cutting can improve grip.

The joys of carrot.

Sweet potato ain't so bad either.

6. As baby's skills develop so does the type of foods and textures

7. Trust your baby's abilities, but be careful not to push him beyond his ability.

8. Read Gill Rapley's Baby Led Weaning book or Gill Rapley's page

9. Enjoy this laid back easy way of introducing food to your child.

10. Eat out without worrying about preparing porridge or puréed foods in advance. I would sometimes bring suitable fruits and vegetables depending on the stage he was in.

Gnocchi- fine dining like a pro ( yes some mess, so pick baby friendly restaurants)

Slurping noodles

Remember though that with weaning either the baby led way or the traditional way, it is best to read up about choking hazards and be prepared for this possibility. I'm very afraid of round foods and though my son eats like a champ, I panic at the sight of a whole grape or tomato in his reach. Always consult trusted professionals that you know if in doubt about the sensibility of this method. 

This a light hearted post and has not delved into the deeper aspects of weaning and what led me to decide to go down this route. I'm happy to share the resources I used and my own experiences with anyone who wants to chat about it. Just drop me a note on the comments or Facebook. 

Share your weaning experiences with me and photos too! :) 

The mystery of the choked toilet

Friday morning the toilet in the master bedroom suddenly got choked. The water was not draining as it should. I looked at my son suspiciously. He looked back like this:

"What? I didn't do anything mama." 

Hmmm, we watch him like a hawk in the bathroom. He has an agenda when in the bathroom. 

Usually, it's to head straight to the toilet and throw the toilet paper next to it into it. He generally pulls it off in pieces, and that is not too bad. 

I had to call the plumber and $250 later found the culprit. 

The number 4 stacking cup, one size smaller than this one was retrieved from the toilet. Hmmm. 

I look at him suspiciously now all the time. Twinkle in his eye, and I'm on my guard. 

Kindergarten (Barnehage) in Singapore

When moving one of the first things on the mind of a parent with a young child is Kindergarten/ Barnehagen. I can share my very short but defining experience of an infant care centre in Singapore. This was one of the better/ fancier infant care centers I found where in theory they recognized the importance of play and so on.

My son was about 9 months at the time, and we had to find alternative childcare arrangements than what had been working for us before. I was extremely torn about placing him in anyone else's care other than my own. We lasted 3 days. I pulled him out due to the emotional stress of separation and a few things I noticed at the centre that helped me make up my mind. We could have persevered and my son would have gotten used to it, but there were certain things that made me decide on a live in nanny who could cater more to his needs.

1. I saw a child reach out and gently touch another child. The staff moved the other child's hand away and positioned her away from the other kid. ( Are we teaching our children not to share touch and emotions? Would this environment train my son to be afraid to approach others?)

2. Almost no outside play time. (I've seen many kindergartens bring the children out to play for about 20 mins. My son sometimes plays with them, but he is usually at the playground for an hour and a half in the mornings. With only 20 mins, my son would get cabin fever. )

3. Extremely restricted play and movement indoors, for fear of children hurting themselves. (My son is a thrill-seeking dare devil. However, because of his adventurous spirit he has good mastery of his body for his age. I cringed at the level of unnecessary safety these centers practiced.

4. Children were often sitting in a circle staring at each other, playing by themselves in a very controlled environment. What made up my mind was the restriction the toddlers faced. A good amount of physical activity and exercise outdoors is obviously important in early development. Sadly this is just not available in Singapore.

 We are looking for Barnehage for our little one soon. I hope Norwegian culture is less risk averse than Singaporean culture. I hope he has a chance to run and play, and fall in all weather.

Photo Sunday - Toddlering at playgrounds in Singapore

The many playgrounds available for little toddlers to run about in Singapore:

At the family corner under a HDB block

At the water playground NEX Serangoon

Hot at the neighborhood playground

Another neighborhood playground

Yeah I can stand on the merry-go-round

The coolest playground in the neighborhood

A walk around my kampong

On my walk to the playground that my son loves to go to, we often have to make many stops. My son has to say hello to the many friends that he has made in the neighborhood. Hello, to the domestic helpers with the ah mas (grandmothers) in their care downstairs. Hello, to the group of active seniors hanging out and working the exercise machines in the corner. Further down, and we would hear my son's name being called. Hello! With a big smile to the friendly Bangladeshi neighborhood cleaner.

It amazes me, that the many different cleaners in our neighbourhood know our son on a first name basis. We often feel like we are in his entourage as he goes on his walk. They always have smiles for him, and play peekaboo by hiding behind the large rubbish containers they push around. My son has big smiles for them too.

We often hear the voice of one young girl or other saying hello as she goes by on her errands. She would be a domestic helper working in the area.

At the playground we often meet other parents and sometimes helpers. Often there will be smiles and an exchange of biodata in the format of " oh my daughter is 16months old, how old is your son." , or discussion in mandarin between parents or grandparents about whether my son is a girl because he has long hair. ( yes he has some lovely curls, but he is wearing blue shorts and looks like a body builder!)

But sadly, there are also times we meet local parents who refuse to smile, who shun my son's cute advances and offers of prized sticks or dried leaves. His little offers for friendship are sometimes ignored or outright rejected. I know, this is just being Singaporean sometimes.

A large part of the sense of community I feel are from the migrant workers who bother to know and smile at my son. I thank them for their genuine sincerity. They give me a feel of that long lost kampong spirit.

International relocators - an update

After requesting quotes I received calls from moving companies. I found out that I need about a 20ft container for our belongings.

The more professional ones suggest letting their packers pack your belongings to ensure it arrives safe. One company dubiously suggested not repacking my clothes and just wrapping up my chest of drawers. The better ones also assure that the companies they are working with in the country you are moving to are their own men, or a from a trusted local company they have worked with before.
Doing some googling about the companies refusing to be responsible or behaving badly gives you some reassurance if the company you are selecting comes out in the clear.

I found a really helpful list on expat living Singapore. http://www.expatliving.sg/living_in_sg/moving_to_sg/International-relocation-companies-Reader-recommendations-6323.ece

Hope I can settle on something by end of the month!

The resourceful hairdresser

About 8 or 9 years ago, I found a black and white photocopied advertisement in my balcony that was slotted under the door to my  house. It had a few amazing offers, one of which was a $5 haircut. The hairdresser was located in a HDB near my own home. At that time, I was quite sick of my long, massive mane of hair. It was a pain to maintain, and though I dreamt of gorgeous movie stair curls, I was generally not the kind of girl who enjoyed taking a few hours to get ready in the morning.

 My sister and I called and made an appointment with a lady who seemed to know enough English to be able to understand that we wanted to drop by. She replied in a mix of strongly accented mandarin and a few simple English words. Strangely, that did not stop us from going to see her.

She welcomed us into her home, where her little girl greeted us with a cute hello and ran away. She had a salon type reclining chair in the kitchen. In one of the bedrooms, there were two mirrors, two salon chairs and a few heat lamp things, the kind that does something to hair I never really understood. A section of the room was curtained off, and that was where the little girl played in her bed.

Our hairdresser, was a sweet lady who had recently migrated from China. I believe she was married to a Singaporean, a man I sometimes saw sitting shirtless, eating noodles in the living room. She offered us a flat bread with some gravy for a snack. She said it was typical for where she came from in the more northern part of China. Amazingly, we communicated, us in English and pidgin Mandarin, her in Mandarin and pidgin English.

She gave me the best haircut I had ever had in my life. She took that mass of hair that was hiding my face, and revealed my true self from within it. Since then I have always cut my hair the same way, because that made me look like me. Sure, I always had a reasonable amount of self-confidence and self-esteem. Still, I felt uncertain of who I was when I went in there, but I left knowing my true self in some ways. She made me see myself in a way I never had before. I always feel grateful to her for that.

She had come to Singapore an immigrant, she thought herself hair dressing as a means to supplement her household income. She provided great service and was very hardworking. She had an amazing sense of aesthetics. Her skills may not have been that of a professional hairdresser but her sense of aesthetics was far beyond any hairdresser I had met. She could see the pretty face behind the hair and bring it to life. I truly admire her.

We continued to have our hair cut with her even after we had moved from that area. We continued to have our hair cut there the last 8 years, and I introduced my husband ( then boyfriend) who thought she was the best hairdresser in Singapore. Over the years, her english improved, she upgraded her little salon when she moved home, and we saw her daughter become a young teenager.Earlier last year, she told us she was no longer is the business of cutting hair. She had found other employment and had changed career. Hairdressing in Singapore had lost a star.

Immigrant emotions (How I feel about moving)

1. Hope

I hear myself saying this word about a thousand times a day. I hope I can cope in Norway. I hope I make friends. I hope it isn't too cold for me. I hope the little boy enjoys it. I hope we don't miss family too much. I hope to grow some vegetables. I hope I integrate in society and don't remain a weird outsider immigrant my whole life. I hope I speak Norwegian well. I hope to write. I hope.

2. Fear

Within that hope, are the words of fear. The fear of never fitting in, of being different, of missing home. The fear of change, of the unknown, of having to make my own fire in a more or less wooden house. The fear of loneliness, of friends being far away, of moving away from family. The fear of no longer being employed, of being dependent ( on my wonderful husband..but still).

3. Eager

I feel a sense of ability to accomplish things I never had the time to do. I feel eager to take on a new language, eager to make friends. Most of all eager to find myself. To make my dreams come true. Eager at a chance for change and rebirth. Eager to finally put the worries of the world aside and concentrate on my passions ( because what else can I do, when trapped in the in between spaces).

4. Self-doubt

I question myself on a daily basis. Am I good enough? Good enough to be me? Am I mad? Mad for dreaming, for pursuing my passions when debt and bills linger in the background. Mad for wanting to quit the rat race, for wanting to slow down. Mad for calling myself a writer, because what else can I call myself now? When all the other identifiers are changing?

5. Excitement

How can a move spanning continents not be exciting? Wheeeeee!

6. Sense of belonging

Finding strange kinships with old friends, acquaintances or total strangers. There is a community of experience out there. Others going through the same emotions and changes. Others who have had a life changing event in the same way; a change of employment, a birth, a relocation. Suddenly I am part of a larger network or people. It's actually quite a good feeling!

7. Finding a new identity

In the last 6 months I had lost myself. Had started losing the idea of myself. Who was I really? What did I want to do with my life? I asked myself a brutal question: what would my priorities be if I knew I had only 10 more years to live? I realized I had forgotten to live my life in the midst of everything. I had passion for my career, but why was my job satisfaction thinning? Is there a greater calling that I had to pursue? What's my name?.. Luckily I knew the answer to the last one.

8. Thrifty

Going from a dual income to a single income is never easy. With such a big move and so many changes, financial future may be uncertain for many going through this process. Suddenly I feel a need to be careful about spending. I have never been terribly extravagant, but my concept of money has been about having enough not to worry. Now there is an awareness of avoiding waste. Of needing to put aside more for the unknown. In a state of madness I told my husband that I only need two pairs of shoes.

9. Creative

Leaving the known for the only somewhat known is liberating. I feel my creative process has been freed. Leaving conventional employment has got my mind on high gear throwing up crazy ideas all the time. My imagination is running wild again. In some ways I feel younger, like a child again where
 all possibilities are real ones.

10. Happiness

Happy to be moving to be with my love. To spend time with my son. To start a new life. Happy at the thought of a small garden. With this happiness comes a great deal of thankfulness. I'm certainly thankful for this change.

The spaces between

One moment no blog. Another moment blog exists. With this creation, a small lonely blog is born. Blog wonders as it finds it's footing in the blog world, " Who am I? What does this mean? Where do I stand among these other blogs?"

In some sense, I feel just like my blog does right now. I'm in transition, between two countries, two states of being. Questions of my identity are constantly on my mind. I've been trying to understand the person I thought I was, and learning about the person I have become. 

Why am I in transition you may ask? ( or maybe no one asks - other than my husband who may read this blog) 

Last year a significant event occurred that changed my life. One that changes the lives of people all over the world. So it's really quite routine, yet it's extremely special to the ones who go through it.

I became a mother. 

During this year, I've been having questions about my occupation. Is this my passion? Can I pursue it forever? Are there other things I want to do with my oh so limited time?  Will I be able to do the retraining required to get to where I have gotten again, in another country? I couldn't answer these questions, I felt anxiety and sadness at leaving my son at home to work. My work, though it has a noble purpose and serves many, can be stressful while being mundane at times. I was suffering from chronic pain ( and still am). Googling around I realised I had all the signs. 

I have job burnout.

I've been having pelvic pain since my pregnancy. It peaked in the third trimester and went away after delivery. Than when I returned to work it started up again. Pain in my butt! Numbness and aching every day. 

I have chronic pain. 

(More on chronic pain another day as its a long story.)

All these things have made me question who I really am. I'm discovering some new things about myself. Some bad, some good. Learning new weaknesses, new strengths. 

But now there may be change. I can use this in between time to work towards good change. To redefine myself. A rebirth. 

There are many blogs out there. Focusing on many useful things. How can this blog contribute? Maybe the blog needs to find its voice during the coming months. The blog is in the in between spaces too.